A Closer Look at a Letter
by Death-Harmony
Summary: In the beginning there was Kira, and he called himself God...Light Yagami has given up ownership of his Death Note and is now working with L and the Task Force to try and catch the new Kira. But something unexpected happens, causing Light to question the things he thought he knew about L, and what justice truly means...
1. Chapter 1

**Authors notes no one will probably read: **

**This story was written for a fanfiction contest, and the major limitation I had to follow was it couldn't be over 7000 words. As a result, the transitions are a bit sudden, as I had to gloss over a lot of happenings to get to the end that I had plan for it. Sorry if its confusing or annoying. I hope you may enjoy it none the less. Thank you.**

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In the beginning there was Kira, and he called himself God. He was a false god, a man who believed himself above all others, and that he alone was just. He looked at the Earth and called it evil, and sought to use his powers to rid the world of those who did wrong. And Kira said "give me Light", and Light came to him, and he was with him and he was one with him. But then Light fell from Kira and he was with him no more.

~oooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~

The Task Force Investigation room was filled with the salted sour tasted of unspoken tension. It clung to everyone's collars and cuff links, weighing them down and their world of work around them. The computer keys stuck, the papers clung together and rustled loudly when disturbed. Even the clock on the wall seemed to lag, the hands straining against the gears, the soft ticking sounding more like it was dragging its feet.

No one dared to speak, afraid any words may set off new sparks and ignite the tension and set off another fiery fight. So the roaring silence continued, nearly breaking glass in the quiet room.

Light continued working, still fuming over those words Ryuzaki had spoken to him, those six little words that had fueled the fight.  
_I wanted you to be Kira. _Remembering it, Light wanted to hit him again and add another bruise to the detective's face. What kind of person can say that to a man's face? Not just accusing him of being Kira; that was something Light was becoming use to. But admitting that he _wanted_ Light to be Kira? Did he really not want to be proven wrong so much that he would wish something like that? Ryuzaki really was childish.

Light looked over at the detective with a glare. He was sitting backwards on his chair in his usual hunched way, fingers clenched around the backrest. He blamed his lack of motivation on depression, and could very well bring the whole Task Force investigation to a gear-grinding halt if he didn't snap out of his little tantrum and start working again.

Ryuzaki noticed the attention, and the two met eyes for a moment. The air felt thicker and Light swallowed, unsure if he should say something to relieve the tension, or not. It was harder to concentrate this way, being angry with him, but Light had no reason or want to apologize. Instead, he turned away with a flick of his head, childish showing he was still angry.

His cheek still stung fiercely from the detective's well placed kick to his face and he was sure he was developing an impressive bruise to match the pair he had given the detective. Light wasn't so vain as to be angered by a simple bruise or too, but the pain was a consistent reminder of Ryuzaki's words.

With a sharp intake of breath, he decided to use his anger as fuel for the fire to get something accomplished and pulled up a list of all those criminals Kira since day one. The list wasn't just long, it was endless. Like a grim reaper's book.

The long list of deaths was a big chore to try to work through, so, to make things easier, Light began categorizing the deaths by age, crimes committed, gender, and dates of death. The endless list of name after name soon began to form into a comprehensible format. Instead of weeding through everything at once, one could tell at a glance that there were a lot more males in there later years on the list of deaths. Or that only criminals who had committed capital crimes or those who showed no remorse for their wrong-doings were executed. After making the list of all lists, Light began noticing some inconsistencies in some of the names. Some of the names were of men who didn't have a histories of major criminal activity; embezzling, Tax evasion, crimes that, up until a few weeks before, Kira hadn't made much of a priority. But, over a dozen men had died.

Light knew a few of the names looked familiar so he put them into search engines and found that all of the men were from high ranking companies. More specifically, men from _the same _high ranking companies. All of the deaths were, also, affecting the companies financially. There was only one company unaffected, and seemed to be profiting from these deaths. And that company was….

"Ryuzaki. I think I might have found something. Some of these names on the lists, they-" Light turned, intent on revealing what he had found, but the detective seemed…off. He still sat in his normal hunched position, legs to chest, fingers coiled about the back of the chair. Yet, oddly, his head hung, his chin almost touching his chest. "Ryuzaki? Are you alright?" Light moved his chair back and wheeled it to face the detective. The chain tugged, getting caught in the motion, and suddenly L was toppling backwards out of his chair. Acting quickly, Light reached out and caught him about the shoulders but the sudden added weight pulled him out of his own chair and sent the two to the ground. Light landed almost square on his tail bone, with L laying in a fetal position between his raised knees.

Light hissed, sharp pains climbing his spine from the landing, but he ignored it for now, more worried about the detective. "Ryuzaki!?" The man in question said nothing, and did not move.

The sudden motion broke the hypnotizing fog, drawing everyone's attention from their work.

"Is something wrong?" Matsuda was the first to jump from his chair. Light's father, Soichiro, was next.

"What happened?" He asked, as the rest of team sprung up, concern and fear spiraling through them.

"I'm not sure." Light said, brushing the hair from Ryuzaki's face, to get a better look at him.

The detective's eyes were closed, and he still wasn't moving. "Ryuzaki, wake up!" Light shook him, only to have L's head lop from side to side. "L! Open you eyes! Hey, wake up!"

"Did Kira-" Matsuda started, but at a hard look from Light's father, he clamped a hand over his mouth, as if mentioning the name now was bad luck.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know." Light said. "He just…"

"Is he breathing?"

After a moment, Light nodded. "Yeah, but…"

With quick strides, Soichiro moved to the main computer's control panel and pressed the communication's to speak with L's caretaker. "Watari, we need you in here. L-"

Just than by chance, the elder man entered the room, carrying his signature silver tray of sweets and coffee. He seemed startled, but acted quickly and calmly. He placed his tray down gently on the empty corner of the table before coming to kneel next the unconscious detective.

"What's wrong with him?" Light studied Watari's face, trying to discern the dangers of what might be happening.

The elder man checked L's pulse and nodded slowly.

"Well?" Light asked, fearing the worst may be happening.

With a great sigh, the elder name spoke. "I've been telling him he has to stop pushing himself so hard, but he's so driven." After the confused looks from the Task Force, he continued. "L has a reputation for solving every case he accepts and often works on multiple cases at once. That kind of dedication takes time, which he devotes as many hours as humanly possible. Working that hard takes a toll on the body. Coffee and candies can only suppress fatigue for a while but…"

"You mean….he fell asleep?" Light blinked, completely taken back. "Just like that?"

Watari sighed deeply and gave a shallow nod. "Just like that, yes. Well, lets get him into bed. He should be fine in a day or so. Nothing to worry about."

"Nothing to worry about?" Light asked, squirming his way out from under the unconscious detective. "He collapsed, and could have cracked his head open! Does this happen often? Shouldn't he know better?"

"Even the wise can be foolish Light." Watari told him, hoisting the unconscious detective's limp body up by the wrist. "L has his reasons for doing what he does. Would you mind grabbing his other arm for me?"

With the help of Watari, Matsuda, and his father, they were able to carry L to the room he and Light had been sharing. He had become accustomed to sharing the king sized bed, since the length of the chain did not permit much distance between them.

"I do apologize Light. But even though L is in this state and leaving you alone is not ideal…."

"I understand." Light responded. Of course he would have to remain at the detective's side. Removing the handcuffs was out of the question.

"If you should need anything," Watari handed him a cell phone, "Don't hesitate to call."

"Thanks." He said, pocketing the device.

And with that, he was alone. The clock on the bedside table read four pm, marking the eleventh hour in which he had been awake. Light climbed up onto the bed, and pressed his face into his pillow. It was cold now, having been abandoned many hours before. He was hardly tired, having grown somewhat use to the early-late hours in which he worked. Sleep was impossible. Light turned to the detective, and took a moment to study him unhindered. L, the smartest detective the world had ever seen, owning hundreds, maybe thousands of detective codes, solving impossible cases; a man who could pull the strings of police forces around the world as if they were marionettes. All of this, wrapped up in a man with terrible posture, unkept hair, sickly pale skin, and poor social skills. This was L.

But now, with him sleeping soundly, unaware of anything around him, he appeared… vulnerable. At this moment, he wasn't L, or a detective at all. He was only a man, helpless as any other.

Light rolled to his back, uncomfortable with himself for staring, and for that line of thinking. He needed a distraction. To think of something else…

Maybe this would be good for him. Spending every moment with L, being judged at every move, every breath, was stressful to say the least. Light could take a short break from it all. No one to accuse him of being Kira, to contemplate every action he took. He laced his fingers behind his head and sighed deeply. A break would do him good…

It didn't take long for Light to become restless, staring up at the popcorn ceiling. It felt like negligence, doing nothing when everyone else was hard at work, and yet he was getting nothing done; like he was falling behind. Frustrated, he carefully reached across the sleeping detective and picked up the first three files sitting on the night stand. Ryuzaki often brought work to bed with him, and always kept a stack of folders there.

Light opened the file on top and paged through, becoming comfortable almost immediately. This was what felt right. He worked his way through the first folder, as well as the second, Writing down his analysis on a notebook provided by a quick call to Watari. Things  
were going well, surprisingly so. It seemed easier to work without worrying about what L was thinking.

He opened the third file and a few photos fell out. The cover was unmarked, but the first page of the documents held his gaze.  
Written in eerie bold letters, were only four words.

**Case one: Child Killer**

Light looked back to the first photo that had fallen. A young girl, maybe six, with an innocent smile, one front tooth missing. Her blonde hair was pulled up in one sideways ponytail and she dressed in pink overalls. On the back, a name was written in red letters; Maria. The second picture was the same girl. Only this time, there was no smile. Only a dead eyed stare into darkness, dark hand shaped bruises on her crushed neck. It was sickening. But she wasn't the only one. Jason, Sarah, Heather, Alex, Michael, Josie.  
Nearly a dozen children, all alive in one photo, and broken in another.

Light picked up the next file, both horrified and curious. Case two, political assassination of high ranking diplomats in Russia. Case three, human trafficking. Case four, Black Market Organ Theft; each folder depicted a different nightmare filled with photos of victims, crime scenes, and reports documenting the terrible details.

Was L working on all of these while he slept next to him, completely unaware of the horrors bound between these folders by iron staples? He looked to the detective, still dozing, unresponsive. It was no wonder the man never slept. How could someone sleep, knowing all of this was happening, and that he might be the only one able to stop these people before someone else became their new victim?

Light looked back to the files before him, pulled the contents out, placed them about the bed, and he read through each one twice before grabbing his notebook. Matsuda brought him lunch nearly four hours later, yet he hardly noticed. He didn't even bother looking up from his freshly written notes, only offering a muttered thanks before waving him away.  
He was so caught up in these cases, the answers, and the questions, that he didn't notice the soft stirrings of consciousness returning to the form next to him.

"….What are you doing?"

Light jumped, dropping his notebook.

L was still curled up as before, but his eyes were open. Instead of confusion, L studied the room casually, despite waking from a haze of an unplanned sleep. Waking up in a different room then he had been in when he fell asleep didn't seem to faze him, but nothing ever seemed to shake the detective's confidence.

"You suddenly past out when we were working. You've been out for nearly ten hours." Light explained, believing L was more curious about how he ended up here then he was letting on. "Watari said you'd be fine, so we carried you here. I…didn't have anything to do so I…."

"And this gives you the right to go through my things?"

Light swallowed, embarrassed. "I didn't know you had other cases here."

"Still, you touched my things. 15%" L said, snatching Light's notebook from his hands.

"Oh come on." The stress was back, already putting him on edge again. "I was stuck here all day with you. I'm useless to everyone else, so I thought I'd work on something at least." He explained in his defense. "Sorry I touched your stuff."

L did not respond. In fact, he didn't seemed to hear him at all. He was studying Light's notebook, his eyebrows raised.

"What?"

"….You solved these?"

"Huh?" Light blinked, not expecting to hear those words. "I don't know about solved; those are just my thoughts and conclusions." Light leaned closer, trying to see what L was seeing. He was reading case one. "You think it really was the swim teacher?"

"Don't you?"

Light scratched the back of his head nervously. "Well….he was at the scene where the first child was found. And his alibis for the other murders were never really investigated. Its worth taking a look."

"…." L said nothing, and instead considered the information carefully. He went through several pages, making a few thoughtful noises here and there before placing the notebook onto the bed and look up to meet the younger man's eyes.

Light, not realizing he had been leaning so close, waiting anxiously -like a child whose paper was being graded in front of them- shot back and swallowed nervously. "Well?"

"….I am impressed, Light-kun." Ryuzaki said and sounded like he was. "Your deductions flow well, and you don't simply accept only one truth. You explore multiple avenues of possible suspects, and ask the right questions to find helpful answers. Did you write an analysis for each of these cases?"

"I did."

"I would like to read them."

"All of them?" Light questioned.

"All on them." Ryuzaki confirmed.

"Uh, sure. The others are in the notebook." He said. "I hope they help."

"I believe they will. Another's eyes are often helpful when cases lose their momentum." He placed the notebook on the bedside table and pushed the covers off of himself and crawled towards the end of the bed. "I shall read them later."

"Where do you think your going?"

"Back to work of course." The detective told him climbed down from the mattress. "I have lost time due to today's mishap."  
"You call passing out from exhaustion a mishap?" Light asked, pulling on the chain to stop him. "Don't you think it would be better to  
take it easy, after what just happened?"

"Nonsense. I have dealt with this in the past." Ryuzaki said, tugged the chain in an attempt to move the younger man.

"Yeah, and look where that got you." Light rolled his eyes and tugged back.

"Is there a reason you don't want me to going back to work?"

"Don't even start that. Look, just for tonight. Its already," He looked at the clock, "past one in the morning. Everyone else is already asleep, and to be honest, it would be good for you to get a little more sleep yourself. We can start back up in the morning, at the normal time. If you do that, I promise, I will not complain about getting up. I'll comply to anything you want." The way it sounded, Light felt like he was negotiating with terrorists, trying to gain some ground and avoid a bullet to the head, but surprisingly Ryuzaki didn't argue, with words at least.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, seemingly considering it. "You will wake up promptly at six, without complaints?"

"Seven." Light said. "We are getting up at seven."

"Alright. Then Light-kun is forbidden to shower first thing in the morning."

"Only if you give me a break around ten, a longer one, so I can shower then."

"Eleven."

"Fine."

"Then we agree?" Ryuzaki offered a hand, and they shook on it.

The bed was cleared off, all of the cases were carefully returned to their respective folders and placed on the desk. Ryuzaki unlocked the chains long enough for Light and him to change into their pajamas. The two climbed into bed, and Light was surprised to see the detective lay down. He was sure the man slept how he sat, but it seemed even L did act normal sometimes.

"Good night Ryuzaki." Light said, clicking off the bedside light.

"Good night Light-kun." The detective responded from the darkness.

A stillness passed over them as the silence flooded the room. The only sounds that drifted into the air was the soft breaths and the sparing rustling of the covers. Despite being tired, Light couldn't seem to fall asleep. And it seemed like he wasn't the only one. It became apparent that the detective couldn't sleep either, for he turned over several times in a short while. When he started clucking his tongue and making other annoying noises, Light finally spoke up.

"Just go to sleep will you?"

"It is not so simple Light-kun." The detective explained, the bed springs creaked momentary. In the dim moonlight from the window, Light could make out the other man's form, sitting up. "I am not use to this."

"Falling asleep like a normal person?"

"Yes." A very blunt response.

Light buried his head in his pillow and gave a frustrated groan. It was muffled, but Ryuzaki must have heard.

"You can sleep Light-kun, you don't have to wait for me to join you."

In a fit of frustration, Light rolled over and whipped his pillow at the detective, and by his reaction, it must have caught the man of guard. Ryuzaki yelped in surprise as it hit him square in the throat and he went down, disappearing over the edge of the bed. The covers tugged and the chain yanked harshly on Light's wrist, and he was certain it would be bruised by morning.

This all took place in a matter of seconds before Light crawled to the edge of the bed to peer down at him. "Ryuzaki, are okay?"  
The detective was laying on his back on the ground, wearing a wide-eyed dumbfounded expression. He look up at Light, still searching for clarity. When his thoughts caught up, he glared at Light.

"Sorry." Light apologized. "You alright?"

"I am fine, considering that you rudely threw me out of bed." Ryuzaki said, pushing himself up on his elbows, attempting to kick  
himself out from under the blankets, but only managed to tangle himself further.

"Right, because that was my plan." Light said sarcastically, pulling at the blankets, trying to assist the detective. Unfortunately, Ryuzaki's leg was still stuck, and his efforts only ended up knocking the man over onto his back again.

Light couldn't help himself and laughed, seeing the great L, trapped within a blanket.  
_  
Thwack!  
_  
A pillow struck him in the face, producing a comical sound, before falling flat onto the bed.

Light glared down at the obvious attacker, and Ryuzaki grinned defiantly back. With a snort, he grabbed the pillow by the corner, and smacked the detective across the head, and received a blow right back a moment later in retaliation from the other man's pillow.  
The odd pillow fight didn't last long, ending as fast as it began. The two men stared at each other, a pillow clenched between their  
hands, and despite himself, Light laughed again. Surprisingly, the detective followed suit, and chuckled as well.

"Come on," Light said, reaching down to untangle his friend's leg and helped him to feet with an outstretched hand. "You promised to go sleep, and this isn't helping."

"Sorry Light-kun." Ryuzaki apologized, and returned to the bed after the covers and pillows were replaced. "I believe I will go to sleep now."

The two climbed back under the blankets, and Light turned off the lamp again, and this time, they stayed there, sleeping soundly for the rest of the night.

~oooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~

The following morning, Light told the detective what he had found; the strange deaths, and the convenient financial gain of the Yotsuba group due to these sudden fatalities. Several weeks passed as they investigated Yotsuba with the Task Force, and they had learned much. They knew that Higuchi was the most likely suspect, had heard the man's self-proclaimed confession to Misa, and began formulating a plan to catch him in the act.

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At night when Light was able to drag Ryuzaki away to their room, the detective often showed Light other cases that he was working on, which turned out to be quite a lot. He had over a hundred cases on his laptop alone, and they went through many of them, bouncing ideas off each other. Light would then insist that they should go to bed, and often times the detective wouldn't argue. He himself would sometimes shut his laptop and climb under the covers as well and fall asleep. There were other nights where he stayed up until long after Light went to bed, and when he woke up, the detective was still at his computer. It irritated him to no end, but, old habits were hard to break, and at least his roommate was getting more sleep than he use to. Light hoped that someday, Ryuzaki would be able to sleep each night without fail.

While the detective began sleeping more, Light began to sleep less. He noticed the closer they drew to catching Kira and putting an end to the case, the more anxious he began to feel. He couldn't place why, catching the killer and finally clearing his name was what he wanted. But as time went on, the feeling persisted. He began losing sleep over it, staying up for hours just worrying in the dark. Would they really catch Kira this time, or will he slip through their fingers? Will they pull it off without incident, or would Kira claim another life before the day ended? And what would happen when this was all over? When everything finally drew to a close, what would they do next? They had been working towards this for so long now it became routine. Would they all simply go back to their normal lives? Light returning to school, his father and the task force returning to the Japanese police? And what of L? What was he going to do? Where would the detective go? Would be simply disappear from all of their lives the same way he had come? Was that going to be how this all ended? Light knew this life couldn't last forever, and that someday it would have to end. But was he really ready for it to be over?

When night fell over the Kira investigation for the last time, everything was in place. They had set the stage, and already plans were in the works to use Sakura T.V. to capture Kira once and for all. Only hours remained before everything came to a close.  
Everyone had turned in early to get some sleep before the big day, for a lot was riding on everyone acting in time with one another.  
The lights were out, but the dim light from the detective's computer gave off an eerie glow. He was still working of course, making sure everything was truly ready for Kira to spring the trap.

Light listened, eyes closed, to the soft clicking of keystrokes and waited for sleep to take him, yet it seemed unwilling. "Ryuzaki?" Light asked him after a time, hoping that a bit of conversation might calm his nerves and allow him some peace. His anxiety still clung over him, like a blanket of unrest.

The detective kept typing away but answered. "Yes, Light-kun?"

Light turned over to face him now. "What are you going to do when this is over tomorrow? When we catch Kira, I mean."  
"Well, I suppose go back home. Start working on other cases, take care of other matters."

There was a long pause. "So…your just going to leave?"

"Well, I can't stay here forever Light-kun." He stated in a matter-of-fact tone. "Why do you ask?"

"….I don't know. I guess…." Light flushed a little, embarrassed to be admitting his feelings. "Working with you…I'll miss it."  
Ryuzaki stopped and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well, I mean-" Light rushed to defend himself, "its been nice having someone to, you know, relate to. Someone I can have a conversation with where I really feel like it means something. Where I really feel like I'm being challenged."

"I have enjoyed your company as well Light-kun. Its unfortunate really. That you are Kira."

"Would you cut that out?" Light sat up now, frustrated with where the comments were headed. "Can't we go a whole day without arguing about it?"

"There is no arguing the truth Light-kun."

"Why can't you just…" Light tugged at his own hair, frustrated with the detective. "..Just for one moment, think of me as anything but a Kira suspect?"

"I am sorry. But that is impossible."

"Why do you want me to be Kira so much?"

"Because I need you to be Kira." Ryuzaki stated simply.

"What? Why?" His reasoning didn't make sense to Light. "Can you not stand being wrong about something? You really are a child Ryuzaki. Why can't you just accept that I'm not?"

"I cannot think of Light-kun as only Light Yagami. You have to be Kira."

"But why?"

"It would be…." The detective paused.

"Be what?"

"Easier."

"…Easier?" Light blinked, confused. "Easier than what? Finding a new suspect that fits your stupid profile?"

"No."

"Then what!?

"Light-kun, I don't-"

"God damnit Ryuzaki, what's wrong with just accepting I'm not Kira? Why can't you see that?!"

"Light-kun," Ryuzaki's tone made Light want nothing more than to punch him in the face. It was as if he was scolding a child. "I have my reasons."

"Your reasons suck." Light said, knowing full well it was a childish response. "Then tell me, Why do I have to be Kira?"

Ryuzaki paused again, as if he was considering a lie or another tactic of escape to avoid answering. But it only lasted a few moments before he sighed deeply, seemingly resigned to the fact that he was going to have to answer truthfully. "All of my actions in this case have been geared towards solving this case as swiftly as possible. You were the prime suspect, given your intelligence, moral views, and your abilities. You fit the part perfectly." The detective shifted his position to face Light. "I first revealed myself to you because I believed you were Kira. I formed the illusion of our friendship, in order to draw out the truth. I have come this far on the assumption that you were Kira."

"Just what are you getting at?"

"Everything we have done thus far has been in search of the evidence needed to catch you. The tennis match, bringing you onto this case, becoming friends with you."

"So everything was an act?"

"No, I have enjoyed interacting with another individual whose intelligence is on par with my own, and have come to like having you around. And that's where the problems have started to arise."

This still wasn't making sense to him. "Ryuzaki, get to the point, please."

"This whole thing, the Kira case," Light saw a flicker of emotion in the detectives eyes. Something thing that looked like….sorrow, "It has brought you too close….and now it is the only thing keeping you away."

The breath in Light's lungs lurched and froze. "Keeping me away? Away from what?"

"From me."

"Huh?"

"Light," no prefix followed, Light hearing the detective using only his name for the first time, and it chilled him. "I…." Ryuzaki stopped, and there was another first. The first time he seemed at a loss for the right words. "I am a detective who never shows his face. Before coming onto this case, Watari, Wedy, and Aiber were the few people on a short list that have seen my face, and know who I really am. I hide behind a computer screen and voice changer to keep everyone who could hurt me at arms length. Even to those whom I have shown my face, the Task Force, you, I keep my distance to avoid…..attachment."

"Ryuzaki, what…?"

"Someone in my position….it is far safer to be alone."

The room was silent for a moment as the words began to sink in.

"I wasn't lying when I told Light-kun that he was my first friend." Ryuzaki admitted quietly. "You are the closest thing I have ever had to a friend….and you are Kira."

Light released a breath, finally seeing things coming together. "But I'm not. I'm not Kira."

"You have to be. If you're not then-" Ryuzaki's voice broke, startling them both. He started again, regaining his monotone with effort. "If you're not Kira and you really are innocent, then I have no reason not to…be friends with you, for real."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"A lot. Friendship means trust. It means being open. It means putting yourself in a position where others can hurt you, something I have done my whole life to avoid. You see Light-kun? As L, I have power in nearly every country, and that power scares people. So I cannot afford to allow people to come to close."

"But….the Task Force and I aren't going to hurt you."

"You already have, Light-kun. Just being here, reminding me what I can never have, the damage is already done."  
A deepening silence wrapped the two in a woolen blanket, impossibly tight, and stiflingly hot. Neither one moved, nor seemed capable of it. It was as if those last words were a spell, binding the two, freezing everything. Light stared, yet unseeing, revisiting everything. L was the most powerful detective in the world, yet was also probably the loneliest. He could never form lasting relationships with anyone, could never trust anyone too much, or it could cost him everything.

The elder man moved, breaking the spell, by returning to his work on his laptop. "Its late. You should go to sleep."

It took Light a moment to respond. Quietly he returned to his pillow, turning away from the detective to face the wall. It was almost painful to see him somehow. Seeing that moment of weakness, hearing the man admit something so personal, it felt like he was intruding.

He pulled the covers to his neck, and listened to the computer keys chatter rhythmically for a while before he spoke.  
"…..You can trust me, Ryuzaki…"  
The detective was silent, even his fingers paused a moment as the whole world held its breath.  
"….Goodnight, Light." The keys began again, and continued until long after Light feel asleep.

~ooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOoooooooooooooooooo~

And then at last, they had him; they had caught him. Kira was captured, and the truth had been relieved, and soon, they would know how he killed.

"You write someone's name in the notebook, and they die." Higuchi had said. And sure enough, tucked in a manila envelope, was the black book, with all of the names of the criminals who had died within its pages. And when Ryuzaki touched the notebook, he inhaled  
slightly. "It really is….a Shinigami. They really…do exist."

"Ryuzaki, let me see it." Light said, but the detective didn't seem to hear him at all. He could tell by the look in his eyes that he was thinking furiously. "Come on, let me see it."

Fed up with waiting he snatched the notebook from the detective hands to see just what everyone else was seeing. _  
__**  
Ba-dump**_.

A single heartbeat, an unsettling lull before the lightning's first strike; then, the first flash, a whispered voice drifted to his ears.

_"The humans name whose in the notebook shall die."  
_  
And suddenly, like thunder, memories washed over Light, and he remembered. Finding the notebook, writing that first name, the rules, the Shinigami, Ryuk. Challenging L and when their war began. Image after image, he was submerged in them, lost under a churning sea, and he was drowning. His lungs burned, wanting to scream as everything, every memory, was forced back inside his head in an endless flow. The pressure was building, threatening to crush him. His whole body tensed, every cell seemed to coil, ready to burst under the pressure. Everything expanded, reaching its peak, then, all at once, it subsided. The walls of his knowledge flexed and became solid and finally, Light breathed; it was slow and quiet. Everything had come into focus.

His plan, giving the notebook to Rem for her to pass it to someone with a lust for power. He would then demand to be confined to prove his innocence. He would forfeit his ownership, and forget everything. The killings would begin again, and with that he and Misa would be released. And he knew if he weren't really Kira, he would insist on assisting the Task Force. And when the notebook was in his possession again, he would kill the new owner with the paper secretly placed in his watch. And everything went according to his plan.

I am Kira?…..

Light turned, to look at L, the man he had spent every moment of the last few months with; all that they had been working towards. The hours spent, chained together, challenging each other. The long talks about the way they saw the world, the way they saw themselves, saw each other.

_…..You can trust me, Ryuzaki….  
_  
L might not have believed him, but Light had meant what he had said. How could he not, after everything that had learned about the man?

Light had grown to respect this man for what he went through in the name of justice. It was more than respect; it was admiration. The detective carried the weight of every crime he solved on his back, no matter how heavy, no matter how much it was crushing him. The world hardly thanking him, only asking for more. And still he carried the burden. He used everything he had, his knowledge, and power as L to right wrongs and stop the wicked. He denied himself things that he-or any human being for that matter-wanted. Recognition, self-advancement, true friendships. The thirst for justice was so strong, he was willing to sacrifice his life to save the world, one case at a time.

To save the world…

That had been Kira's goal. But now…was it really what the world needed?

"By the way Light, I relayed your notes to the police investigating case one." Ryuzaki said, looking into Light's eyes, as if he was trying to convey something else with his words. "That swim teacher; they caught him. He had taken another child, but they got to him before he could hurt someone else."

"…." Light clutched the death note tightly in his hands, as if it might stop him from slipping.

L was right…

I am Kira….

_But do I still want to be? …._

_….._


	2. An update - Something that needs saying

A while ago, I wrote this story, A Closer Look at a Letter, to enter it in a fanfiction contest at a local Anime Convention. I sadly did not win, but I hold no grudges to the winner. The design of the contest had specific rules I had to follow. It had to be a stand alone piece (not a chapter in a story), and couldn't be over 7000 words. There were other rules as well, but I don't think those are really important for what I am about to express. I wrote this story with a certain goal in mind.

It was as follows: for this story to be as close to the original as possible. I wanted it to feel natural and real. I wanted it to blur the lines of the actual happenings and what I had recreated. I wanted the reader to be left with that foreboding question; will Light really become Kira again? Will he take his place as God of the New World, or did his time looking through pure eyes change him in such a way for his tainted soul to see that his path was leading him towards a designed evil?

This was how I wanted it to end, leaving the reader to create their own perfect ending.

I don't know about your perfect ending, but I know mine. I was content with that, at first. But after the convention was over, I began to really think how I would have gone about writing an ending. It was a mild fancy, but I found things in these thoughts I really wanted to put to pen and paper. But I found I became stuck. There were things I would have to change. Major (and minor) changes.

And here is where I come to the real point. The whole reason I wrote this fanfiction was to hold as close as I could to the real story, and if I added anymore, I would have to break away fully from the original Death Note screen-play and twist it to my own. It would be 'My Story' and no longer be the 'this might actually have been in the show' feeling; the whole goal I had when writing it.

As you can see, continuing it gives me conflicting feelings. The other day, my roommate (and the editor of all my stories) told me, "It's a fanfiction, not a fanfact." I quite like the sound of this. This is true. It is my fictional ideals of how I think the story should have gone.

I guess, the reason I am writing this is to ask you, the reader, if you haven't already abandoned reading this, or simply skipped the long-winded ranting above, is to ask,

"Is that okay with you?"

It's silly, asking if you care if I change the original story. That's why you read it in the first place, right? The reason you read fanfiction is to see the story told in a different way, that's why we write them. But, I feel I must ask this anyways. If I am to continue this story, things will change. Certain people will still die, some people will live. Things that didn't happen before will happen, and other plot-points will disappear.

I ask, because I am writing stories, not only for myself, but for you. Not many people write a story just for their own eyes. They write for the eyes of others.

I am still working on the basic plot-points, but have started writing scenes I know I want (In fact, I started with the ending, of all things). For now, this story remains as in-progress, because I do want to add more, but it might take me some time.

I guess that's all. If you're still reading, leave a comment or a review if you like. Tell me something you would like in the story, and maybe, it might find its way into my fanfact-made-into-fanfiction, if it works with what I want to create. Who knows, it might answer some of my labored questions of just how I can get Light from point A to point B-Z.

Thank you for your time,

The Author.


	3. A New Game Begins

**Author Notes:  
School has started again, and now the complicated task of attending my classes, doing homework, studying for tests, working almost 30 hours a week AND, still writing the stories I have been working on (yes, stories. I have a few others I am working on) has begun. I admit, I have been sitting on this one for weeks without adding anything. I have been stressed, and couldn't even touch it. But I have not given up on it, and will not until it is finished. Unless I die, this story will not he discontinued or forgotten. I will finish it, it just might take so time. **

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0

The boy was not born into corruption; he was pure and good, longing to bring justice into the world. Then he found the forbidden fruit, he saw it as a tool to bring peace to the world, but his eyes were blind to its corruption. Kira slithered up to the boy and whispered in his ear, "This notebook will open your eyes and you will be god, knowing the good from evil, and dispensing justice to those deserving." The boy smiled, opened the book and then was lost into darkness…..

0

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0

The memories swam through his head like a school of stalking piranha.

Light Yagami was Kira….

Of this there was no doubt. Ryuzaki had been right. As soon as his fingers had closed around that black cover, dream-like visions flooded his mind, poisoning his previously held beliefs and truths. All those nights pouring over the Kira files, hunting the death lists for a pattern, seated beside L and a mounted of new cases that had yet to be solved, they were now all a lie.

He had truly believed he wasn't Kira, and at the time, he hadn't been. Without those memories, he was only himself, a college student and detective-in-training, following his father had wanted to catch Kira and bring him to justice, but now, knowing that the person he had been chasing was himself, what he to do? How could one catch and condemn themselves?

Light looked out the window of the Helicopter, checking on the Police. Higuchi had been arrested, Handcuffed and blindfolded and was being questioned by his father at this moment. All eyes were either the new-captured criminal, or the frightful Shinigami. This was the moment Light needed.

"Ryuzaki, I'm going to check some of the names of the victims to see if this is the real deal." He said, turning to open the file of names on their portable computer.

"Oh, yes." Ryuzaki responded, seemingly lost in a thought. "Good idea."

Light didn't need to look over the file. Of course they matched. Light knew for a fact they would. He knew his own handwriting. His memories were clear and polished. What he needed was time; to rethink his plan. He was still wearing his watch, the one his father had given to him; the one he had outfitted with a small compartment, hiding a scrap torn from the pages of the death note. This was how he had planned on killing the new Kira to regain ownership of the notebook. All he had to do was pull the turning gear four times in less than a second, and it would pop open. The tiny pin lay inside, waiting.

_I have to kill Higuchi before I let go of this notebook_. If he didn't, Light would forget all over again, and this was his only chance to be sure no one was watching him. Still, he hesitated.

The police, having cuffed Higuchi, and were reading him his rights. He needed to act and act soon. He pulled the gear four times, and the hidden compartment opened. The scarp paper was waiting; his heart was beating hard in his chest.

They were hoisting Higuchi to his feet now, and were pushing him towards the awaiting police car, the door already open.

_Ba-dump._ Light's fingers brushed the pin.

_Ba-dump._ Higuchi was being pushed into the car, and the door was shut with a hard slam.

_Ba-dump._ Light had to…Had to do it now. He had to kill Higuchi now before it was to late.…

Light had to…Light….

"Light?" He turned his head sharply, snapping his watch closed, as his windows of opportunity slammed shut.

"Ryuzaki?" The detective's hand was held out towards him. "I need to see that notebook again. Give it here."

Light looked down at those pale fingers with dread as they reached forward and brushed the cover, and curled around the pages.

_No!_

Ryuzaki tugged at the notebook and Light tightened his grip. Light's hands followed awkwardly, unable to released the notebook. _Not yet!_

There was a pause, and a confused shadow passed through Ryuzaki's eyes. "Light, is something wrong?" He asked, with a raise of his eyebrow.

_I can't…. Higuchi has to…_The cop car had since pulled away, taking Higuchi to the Task Force headquarters to be detained for further questioning.

Light thought quickly, needing a new plan, to say something! He couldn't let go, or he would forget. But as desperate as he was, he couldn't conjure up anything. His bag of tricks had been overturned, and had come up empty. He had no other options, no tricks, illusions, no hope, and no way out.

Light took a breath, preparing himself for the inevitable loss, and let the notebook be pulled from his hands. There was a rush of wind that brushed past him and….

…Nothing…

He blinked once, then twice, and still nothing had happened. His memories remained whole and intact. How? Had Ryuk lie to him? Was the rule a fake, like the ones he had Ryuk write down on the back page? No, it couldn't be. While he hadn't tested it, it surely was real, and it clearly stated that….

Realization churned his stomach. If Light's memories remained, it was because he was the new owner of the notebook. And that meant that Higuchi was…

_Ring Ring Ring!_

Ryuzaki's cell phone buzzed from the confines of his pocket. The detective fished it out, and Light watched his expression change from a blank-slate to shock. He didn't need to hear what was said over the line to know what had happened.

"Yes this is him…What? How?...Are the officers alright?...Yes of course...please up-date me as soon as you know more. Thank you." He hung up, and turned to Light, suspicious gracing his face.

"There has been an accident." Ryuzaki didn't seem convinced, of course. He paged through the notebook, no doubt looking form Higuchi's name, but Light knew he wouldn't find it; nor would he if he happened to discover that small slip of paper in  
Light's watch. He had not written down Higuchi's name.

But maybe someone else had. Light looked over at Rem, still clearly visible within the dozens of police car headlights, standing ominously towering over the lowly policemen below. They caught each others eyes.

_Did you…?_ He questioned.

She responded. _Maybe…Maybe not…_

Light turned away, looking back to the detective. At this point, it didn't matter how Higuchi had died. All that mattered was the Light was the owner of the notebook once again, and his memories would remain. Still, Light felt a little relieved that he hadn't had to do it himself. He still needed some time to work out his next plan of action. He turned his attention back to Ryuzaki who appeared to be watching the police photograph the scene and the clean-up crew was arriving to clear the roads. But Light knew better. That expression, the detective was thinking, reworking, analyzing. "Ryuzaki?"

The man in question looked at him, his eyes still reflecting the 'work-in-progress' gaze. "Light-kun?"

The game of chess was beginning. Two apposing forces pitted against one another once again, forced to play move by move, neither yielding, striving for ground. Just as before, Light would have to walk the line, playing both as Kira and as himself. Light would lie, Kira would smile. Ryuzaki would comment with respect, L would narrow his eyes in distrust. A tentative dance, to manipulate, to play innocent to cover his tracks. To distract and confuse, all the while watching for pitfalls designed to ensnare him in his one web of deceit.

Light took a breath, slowly, calculated, and played his first move.

"Higuchi…he's dead, isn't he?" Light didn't want to draw more suspicion on himself by saying it, but he knew the detective enough to know that he knew Light already would have figured it out.

Ryuzaki looked at him with calculating unblinking eyes. "Yes." He said, after a moments pause. "We best head back to Task Force Headquarters. I would like to take a closer look at this notebook, as well as this Shimigami."

Light gathered himself and nodded. Now, at last, the true game began.

0

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**Final comments:  
If you notice anything out of place or something seems off, please don't hesitate to tell me so I can fix it. If you like, feel free to say so in a review. I enjoy hearing feedback. It helps encourage me, inspire new ideas, and allows me to grow as a writer. Thank you very much for reading. **


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